"Iran So Far"

SNL does good...

FUCK YOU of the Day

FUCK YOU, GENE SHALIT!




You're a fucking twat-idiot-McAsshole! You look like a walrus who was beaten by the ugly stick and then dressed by the Olsen Twins.

I (Daniel) was watching TODAY this morning (of course, because I loves me some Matt Lauer), and up came the movie review segment of Eastern Promises by Mr. Dumb-fuck Gene Shalit. He proceeds to say how great of a film it is--a fantastic thriller, etc. etc. blah blah blah with the ending caveat: "...for ADULTS." He then goes on to moralize and how it is ridiculous it was to give the film an 'R' rating, as if having an adult or parent to next to a younger audience member would negate the "depravity" that is shown on screen. Apparently, an NC-17 rating, and the difference between a 16 and 17 year-old seeing this flick is enough to neutralize and truly grasp the horrible shit that goes down in the film. He's fucking retarded. He is actually saying a film can be and often should be specifically good (and by good, he conflates artistically and morally "good") within a specific age range! He's probably one of those stupid fucks who would get uptight for showing Brokeback Mountain in the high school classroom, as if teenagers don't already have an opinion on queer people, or that they are still in danger of being converted, or they don't know what butt-fucking is, or they have no emotional understanding of regret, love loss, or squandering one's life away, or even the ability to appreciate the aesthetically pleasing as aspects of the film. How fucking patronizing! Someone set that man's mustache on fire!

Amateur Bastards Endorse...

Non-Euro, Male-Male Fait La Bise!

If we saw this on the streets regularly, I think straight men would be more palatable. This clip is of the University of Florida QB Tim Tebow sharing a cheek kiss by his teammate/roommate Tony Joiner after his touchdown. It's our favorite "two wrongs make a right" (well, almost anyway)--homosensuality plus race-mixing!



-Daniel

Gay "Buggery"

Good family fun! Gays on telly make everything more entertaining!

Hot Welshman Alert (but not Christian Bale)!

What a ham! He's ex-model Welshman Steve Jones (what kind of lame name is that anyway?), though I could be mashed up between him and Christian Bale any day!



-Daniel

Amateur Bastard Endorses...

(This post invokes my (Daniel's) days as a Lard-Ass McFat-Fuck)

The Pumpkin Donut at Dunkin' Donuts

So I'm walking down 34th St. after some window shopping at Macy's when I realize I am hankering a doughnut. I cross the street to the Dunkin' Donuts/Pizza Hut hybrid shop (mind you, I find these establishments disgustingly too similar to the mall "food court" system of getting various fatty fast food options in one setting; please keep this contempt in mind, even though it doesn't matter to this story). Surprise, two adults from the Indian Subcontinent are behind the registers, though only the woman seems to know how to run the show. Before I walked in, I thought I would just get my favorite blueberry frosted cake donut, but as I scanned the small wall of trays from the bottom up, I did not see my beloved blueberry frosted cake donuts near they snould have been--next the chocolate frosted cake donuts. But as I eyed further up, there I saw it--the pumpkin donut. Now, know this about me. I LOVE PUMPKINS. I love a fuckin' jack'n'lantern like a wet dream. And to boot, this donut was a cake style donut. Fuckin' hell, it didn't appear to be frosted, which was mildly upsetting, but I resolved to get the pumpkin donut AND the chocolate frost cake donut to satisfy my frosted-flavor cravings. $2 later, I am walking out the door and immediately decide to eat the pumpkin one first, to try it, and then polish of the chocolate one that I really didn't want to buy. But after biting into the pumpkin one, it was clear that I made a mistake in buying the second one. This pumpkin donut was THE BEST FUCKING DONUT I'VE EVER HAD! The frosting was WITHIN the doughnut! It had the pumpkin spices that is so delish in pumpkin pie! So yummy! Get off your ass and go to Dunkin' Donuts and tries these motherf'ers! What the fuck am I going to do if (and they likely are) they are limited just for the fall/Halloween-esque season?!?!

Hollywood Taoism: Beckham & Britney

It's no secret that I, Daniel, am a big fan of David Beckham. I would, without hesitation, let him has his filthy way with me even if it involved a kiddie pool and Costco-sized tins of pork'n'beans. What's not to like about him? So his voice is a little higher than one might expect (though not squeaky, Michael Jackson-esque as some would let you believe), and yes his wife is Victoria "I'm the live action version of Skeletor" Beckham, but like a good gay and American (either excuse justifies this), I could let his undeniable pulchritude allow me to overlook these two imperfections--but I don't need to. And why is that? Because Americans who have any interest in pop culture need to love Becks, and the reason is he is his celebrity is the antithesis to the celebrity embodied by Britney Spears. He is yang to Brit's yin, and without the ascension of Becks to counter-balance Brit, we will see only decay in stardom and celebrity. There will be more hope, or glamour, or envy. Hollywood would become an expensive gutter of white or white-washed trash from which only more of Britney and her ilk can congeal from.

Whereas Britney's version of parenting makes K-Fed look like Mrs. Cleaver, Becks is the poster guy for wholesome and sexy paternity--extending beyond his three sons to his commitment to youth and youth soccer programs, his youth soccer academies, visiting sick or maimed kids in Third World or war-torn countries, pleads for the return of abducted children, etc. etc. Of course, key is how much the media covers reminds us that he loves kids, loves doing defense drills with inner city kids at F.C. Harlem, love goofing off with them like he is still one too. But it's not "juvenile" behavior in the way Ms. Spears comes out of car letting the world be her gynecologist, or putting your newborn in your lap in the front seat of your car as if you were an effective child safety device.

Sure, Becks was not without scandal back in Britain: there was the Rebecca Loos adultery accusation. But savvy Beckham twice over did what few in Hollywood could do: 1. He shut the fuck up, only denying it had ever occurred, and 2. He left Brand Beckham steer the populous into trusting him, believing him, and if necessary, forgiving him. And what happened anyway? Loos undermined her own credibility, made herself look like an opportunistic 14:59'er (that's someone who doesn't even get 15 minutes of fame), and Becks keeps his reputation in tack and becomes a U.N. Goodwill Ambassador. See, that's how you spell 'comeback.' But Britney is an avalanche: snowballing herself with one embarrassment after another. Even if she does shut the fuck up, she does something retarded like gets in the with Kabbalah and shaves her head. At least when David gets a hairdo, it's covered because a trend can be on the verge, not because we need proof that the next time his goes out in public, he might be wearing a jacked-up looking wig or a really fucking bad weave.

Which brings us to last week's MTV VMAs. HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! JIGGA WHA?!?! I don't think I have (ever enjoyed) seen(ing) such a let down--and I am not even talking about the fans! Shots of utterly dismayed entertainers cutting back to Britney barely lip syncing her own song, looking like she had never worn high heals in her unnatural life and pathetically "dancing" was the precursor to her implosion. And that cray-cray queen on YouTube defending what's left of her honor and "talent" and hot mess of a life basically said this: crazy follows crazy.

And after the masses get their final kicks out of Britney, and finally dismiss her as anything more than a pop tart, they'll yearn for the kind of celebrity one wants to be, not get an inoculation from. Beckham and his glamorousness and luxury, who took the American ethic of consumerism and extravagance and made it look like class, whose non-aggressive, ambiguous politics of non-politics makes him loved by everyone, is just what American pop culture needs. This is a man who can epitomize meterosexuality and have an association with loco Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes but still come out looking fresh and sane.

So if we keep Britney and her negative yin element around even for amusement, we'll need Beck's yang. We should even tolerate Posh (acknowledging that even a yang has a little yin in it, and vice-versa) if we are to stay enamored with what we hate to admit we'd like to be or have.

Kids These Days Have It So Much Better

Man, if only we had this when we were growing up to teach us camp so much earlier in life...









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